


It doesn't even matter how hard you try

by Emjen_Enla



Series: Prompted Works [46]
Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Gen, Headaches & Migraines, How Not To Deal With Your Mental Health Issues, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Laudanum, Medication, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Season/Series 05, ignoring Medical Advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26304937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emjen_Enla/pseuds/Emjen_Enla
Summary: It was fall. The seasons were just starting to really change and Tommy had had a migraine for days on end when he finally gave into Ada’s pleas to see a doctor. Or where the laudanum came from.Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week Day 6: Seasons.
Relationships: Ada Shelby & Tommy Shelby
Series: Prompted Works [46]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1366669
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	It doesn't even matter how hard you try

**Author's Note:**

> So firstly, remember how I said that I moved my Day 6 fic because I had a new idea for Day 6? Turns out I was getting "Day 6" and "September 6th" confused. The fic in question is actually tomorrow's. How embarrassing. **facepalms** Anyway if you follow me on tumblr ([@emjenwrites](https://emjenwrites.tumblr.com/), shameless self-plug) you'll remember that a couple weeks ago I was complaining about how I was writing a whump fic that wasn't turning out. That's this fic. Reading it back, it's actually not as bad as I'd thought it was, so that's good for you all I guess.
> 
> I apologize for the extremely tenuous relation to the prompt.
> 
> Title is from "In The End" by Linkin Park.

It was fall. The seasons were just starting to really change and Tommy had had a migraine for days on end when he finally gave into Ada’s pleas to see a doctor.

Actually, things were a bit more dramatic than that. What actually happened was that he’d had a migraine for days on end and almost passed out during a speech in Parliament. It was ridiculous and embarrassing because something like this had never happened to him before, but the room was hot and his tie was too tight and he hadn’t eaten or drank anything because he couldn’t keep anything down and his head hurt so fucking much. He ended up cutting out the last page of his speech because he really needed to sit down and sounding like an idiot in front of the other MPs was better than outright collapsing in front of them.

He gritted his teeth through the rest of the meeting and then it was over and Ada was there pushing his head down between his knees and gently rubbing back as he gagged fruitlessly on the pain in his head.

“Tommy,” she said gently, as she’d been saying for weeks, months. “You need to see a doctor.” And he finally gave in.

Ada drove and he lay on the back seat, eyes squeezed clothes against the light.

Tommy hadn’t seen a doctor since he’d dumped out his prescribed morphine three months after his head injury. It was his poor luck that Ada took him to the same hospital that had treated him back then and as soon as they heard who he was he found himself face to face with the same doctor he’d blown off years before. Fortunately—or perhaps unfortunately—he was in too much pain to care.

“How long have you had this particular migraine?” the doctor asked.

“It’s been a while,” Ada said because Tommy was far beyond answering. “Multiple days, I think.”

“On and off or continuously?” the doctor asked with perhaps a note of worry to his voice.

“Continuously?” Ada asked, Tommy nodded.

They kept talking, but Tommy faded out after that. He came back to himself briefly when they tried to make him get up and he almost immediately collapsed at which point they promptly admitted him to the hospital and finally, finally gave him morphine.

After that he fell asleep and woke up in bed in a private room much like the one he’d recovered in after his run-in with Father Hughes. Ada was sitting in a chair next to the bed reading a book. She looked up when he shifted, got up and left without a word, which was briefly confusing until she came back with the doctor.

The doctor asked a bunch of questions and Tommy was honest since Ada glared at him whenever he tried to lie.

Eventually the doctor sat back and removed his glasses. “I think that stress is probably exacerbating the migraines,” the doctor said. “I suggest taking some time off.”

Tommy’s stomach clenched. Somehow the mere thought of taking a vacation tasted like Shelby Company gin which didn’t make any sense. He’d stopped drinking his own gin after his disastrous vacation but all his memories of the time were soaked in the taste.

“That’s impossible,” Tommy said. “I’m an MP.” That wasn’t quite the truth but it was a better excuse than the truth. Lizzie had suggested once or twice that they take Charlie and Ruby to the seaside for a vacation and he had always come up with one excuse or another to dodge out of it. He hadn’t even taken a single day off since he’d started his campaign to become MP and he had no intention of ever taking time off ever again. He needed to be functional and apparently his brain imploded if he stopped moving. That was unacceptable so time off was unacceptable, even though he’d been having trouble sleeping recently and was constantly exhausted which probably wasn’t helping the headaches at all. He spent most of his time trying not to think about it. The knowledge that he was probably going to be this exhausted for the rest of his life and there was absolutely no way to change it was overwhelming.

The doctor sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I can give you a prescription for laudanum, but without some major lifestyle changes I can’t see that being particularly helpful in the long run. Take some time off and get some rest. I think that will help with the migraines more than any medication would.”

Tommy had learned a thing or two about dealing with doctors while recovering from his head injury. He knew not to let on that you were going to outright ignore their advice so he nodded and played along until he got released a couple hours later.

He was surprised by how cold it was when they left the hospital. It had been hot when Ada had driven him there, but now the weather had changed completely. He pulled his coat tightly around himself as he and Ada hurried towards the car.

“You’re not going to listen to him, are you?” Ada asked once they were inside the car, out of the wind.

Tommy just lit a cigarette and didn’t say anything.

Ada heaved a sigh and slapped the heal of her hand against the steering wheel in frustration. “Tommy, you can’t carry on like this. This isn’t going to get better unless you change something. Let Arthur handle more of the business. Take Lizzie and the kids to the continent for Christmas. That would probably make Charlie’s year.”

“Ada…” He said.

“At least fill that prescription,” Ada said. “I don’t want to drive you to the hospital again. Never again.”

Ada had been the one to drive him to the hospital after the original head injury so if he had any sense he really should make sure they didn’t end up in this situation again. He fingered the paper from the prescription in his pocket. “I’ll fill it,” he said and he meant it.

“At least think about the other stuff too?” Ada said. “This isn’t going to go away because it’s inconvenient, especially since—sorry to break it to you—you’re not getting any younger.”

Like he wasn’t aware of that. He exhaled smoke and didn’t respond. Somehow, despite the hours he’d spent passed out on morphine he was still exhausted, which wasn’t new. He was always exhausted and he was always going to be exhausted and he wished that there was some kind of way to change that but there wasn’t so he was best off finding some way to get used to it.

“Just drive, Ada,” he said and closed his eyes.


End file.
